Uruguay

England

Play by play

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On the other hand, Uruguay just might be in business. They defeated a strong English side without two starters and a Luis Suarez assembled with thrift store shop parts. Although they haven’t secured progress (yet), might they just be a threat (again)? 

Uruguay 2-1 England. It’s heartbreak for England and happiness for Uruguay. There’s really too much to say, but let’s start with this:

REWIND: You’ve heard the expression, “Turn that frown upside down”? Well, Uruguay coach Óscar Tabárez did just that. Moments later.

Deep into stoppage time and nothing going for England. Trying to do too much, Uruguay is stalwart in defense.

REWIND: Uruguayan ecstasy.

REWIND: Luis Suarez. Unbelievable.

URUGUAY 2-1 ENGLAND. LUIS SUAREZ!!!!!!!!!!!! NARRATIVES!!!!!!!!! FEELINGS!!!!!!!!!!!! SPEAKING OF END-TO-END ACTION, MUSLERA BOOTS THE BALL ACROSS MIDFIELD, WHICH GERRARD HEADS TO AN OTHERWISE-OFFSIDE LUIS SUAREZ. THE STRIKER NEVER LOOKS AT GOAL. HE JUST COOLY BRINGS IT DOWN AND BURIES IT.

It’s end-to-end action at the moment…

REWIND: This is why we left England and set out for the New World. It’s also why we want to go back. #GrassIsAlwaysGreener

REWIND: Rooney scores after a poor challenge allows the cross in front of goal.

URUGUAY 1-1 ENGLAND. AND JUST AS THE ENGLAND PLAYERS WERE CALLING THEY’RE TRAVEL AGENTS, WAYNE ROONEY–YES, THAT WAYNE ROONEY– TAPS IN A CROSS THAT SOMEHOW FOUND IT’S WAY THROUGH THE LEGS OF ÁLVARO GONZÁLEZ.

What’s holding England back? I don’t know. Honestly, they’ve tried a lot of things.

Back in London, however, chocolate factory workers watch in utter disappointment. #CheerUpCharlie

REWIND: Stevie G gets a yellow.

On the other hand, England fans are still enjoying themselves. Mmm…a big turkey leg wouldn’t be the worst thing, would it?

REWIND: Yes, he’s still on the pitch. No, I’m not a doctor, but I can read and I read that a lot of doctors wouldn’t recommend that Pereira stay on the pitch. #Logic

Steven Gerrard tackles late on Cristian Rodríguez and Graham Poll shows the yellow card.

REWIND: Pereira gets annihilated.

Álvaro Pereira gets kneed in the head while slide-tackling Raheem Sterling and is KNOCKED OUT. Ian Darke, who’s all too eager to blame the Uruguayans for wasting time, chastises him. “Oh, look. We’ve got another injury.” Meanwhile, the camera above Pereira shows that he’s clearly unconscious. Darke backs off his criticism and Pereira wakes up. Is he groggy? Yes. Should he stay on? Probably not. But he vigorously protests to his coach to let him stay on.

Steve is a businessman. He hasn’t checked a bag in years. It’s all about getting your luggage situation sorted. Avoid the baggage fees and relax.

REWIND: #Rooins

WAYNE ROONEY SCOOOOOR…..doesn’t score. Leighton Baines crosses to Rooney whose close-range shot is saved by Muslera. Aim that anywhere else and it’s a goal.

REWIND: Suarez nearly scores from a corner, with an assist from Danny Welbeck.

Suarez feeds Cavani again. He’s one-on-one with Joe Hart and shanks it well wide. A horrible miss. Admittedly, Uruguay didn’t pay $100 million for Cavani, PSG did. But still, Uruguay has to feel like they didn’t get what they paid for.

SUAREZ WHIPS IN A CORNER THAT WELBECK TIPS, FORCING JOE HART TO PUSH OFF THE LINE. LIKE, ACTUALLY, OFF THE LINE. The lesson here is you don’t have to be fit to take corner-kicks.

Suarez looks to return the favor to Cavani with a similar ball across goal, but it’s headed away. Both players are from Salto, Uruguay. #Research

As they’ve done every game so far, they’ve decided to have a second half! That’s good for us.

But THAT wasn’t the first time…

And a few years later, he did this…

The last time we saw Luis Suarez at the World Cup, we witnessed this…

HT: Uruguay 1-0 England. Ian Darke wants #ConspiracyTalk about Diego Godin NOT being sent off. Others want to hail the return of Luis Suarez. Why not do both? 

REWIND: Sturridge responds to Suarez, but Muslera denies the dance.

REWIND: He might not be fit, but he’s fit enough for a simple header. Suarez 1-0.

URUGUAY 1-0 ENGLAND. LUIS SUAREZ, SON! EDINSON CAVANI LIFTS THE BALL TO SUAREZ WHO HEADS BACK ACROSS GOAL AND JUST OVER TAYLOR TWELLMAN!!!

Some amazing photography here. To capture Wayne Rooney in that vulnerable state…it’s quite special.

REWIND: Rooney feeds the English inferiority complex beast.

ROONEY HITS THE POST!!! Steven Gerrard’s free-kick from the corner meets Rooney at the back post, but his header hits the post AND crossbar.

REWIND: This is the face of disbelief. I couldn’t belief he got called for the foul either. Still, no harm done.

Diego Godin. Nearly a second yellow for the captain for throwing down Sturridge. He’s lucky to still be on.

Corner-kick for Uruguay. Suarez plays a low ball near the penalty spot that Cavani runs on to and shoots over. Just like in practice.

See! You didn’t believe me. What happen to the trust?

There’s no way Luis Suarez is fit, but he’s still a master of distribution. Let’s face it. He’s a master of a lot of things many of which are morally incongruous.

REWINDCristian Rodríguez nearly gives Uruguay the lead.

Leave it to an English commentator to use a rugby term (scrum) to describe the jostling that occurs on a corner kick. Incidentally, it’s a lot like a scrum. +2, Mr. Darke.

Phil Jagielka’s header in the England box falls perfectly for Cristian Rodríguez, but the Atletico Madrid midfielder’s rising shot sails inches high. Close!

REWIND: Did Diego Godin give Stevie G his laundry? Can’t these guys afford wash-and-fold? Sheesh.

Managers are always good fodder for the Interwebs and Óscar Tabárez is no exception.

Sturridge tries to put Rooney through, but Diego Godin intentionally handles the ball. Yellow card. Could’ve been red? Maybe. Let’s agree on orange. Rooney bends the free-kick wide.

One of England’s biggest fans is on hand. Uruguay pressed early and earned a corner, but Joe Hart took care of business. That’s an overstatement. It wasn’t pretty, but it got done.

It’s on! We’re giving you everything we have today. The live blog. Delicious tweets from @soccergods. AND….AND….we’ve taken over @GMA. GOOD. MORNING. AMERICA. #Boom

Luis Suarez is somber during the anthem. He might be hungry. Uh oh…

And you’ll want to know who’s playing, won’t you? Sheesh, you’re demanding!

Welcome to Arena Corinthians in São Paulo! Stretch your legs as the teams get all anthemy. Yes, I’m making up words (again…already).

And for Uruguay. I want to say “You’re welcome!” in advance. It’s amazing enough that a nation of three million people can produce outstanding soccer teams. It’s another that it can ALSO produce this.

I’m not one to make predictions…unless you ask me or give me a beer, in which case I won’t shut up with predictions. But I think Wayne Rooney answers his critics exclaiming, “Rooins!” And I think Sturridge ends up dancing at least once. So let’s get into our alternative anthems. For England, we’re going to go with a modern classic. It’s a delightful video, too. 

England hasn’t gotten any worse in the last five days, unless you factor in the psychological body blows inflicted on Wayne Rooney by the English press. One has to wonder, “Why, Danny Welbeck?” Actually that should read, “Why Danny Welbeck?” Commas change everything. Yes, the Manchester United striker will start alongside Daniel Sturridge. Yes, THAT Daniel Sturridge.

Let’s talk about Uruguay. What’s different this time? Right-back Maxi Pereira is suspended. Because of this.

And captain Diego Lugano is out through injury. Can the return of Luis Suarez offset these absences? The striker cannot be fit after rehabilitating his knee over the last month. However, he possession imagination (and bite) that few others do. If England’s back line is not disciplined, even a 75% Suarez could wreak havoc. The question is whether he’s even 75%.

Take a few minutes to get acquainted with Uruguay and England. Then, we’ll talk more.

Losing. Nobody likes it. Especially winners. Uruguay are winners. After sneaking into the 2010 World Cup, Uruguay barged their way into the semi-finals and came to Brazil in a second-tier of real contenders. However, an injury to Luis Suarez, the PFA Player of the Year and biter extraordinaire, kept him out of their opening match against Costa Rica. The Ticos did everything better and produced a shocking 3-1 result. England are winners. Sort of. They won’t admit it, but they have an excellent football system and have a large talent pool to tap. When manager Roy Hodgson selected a young squad for Brazil, eyebrows raised. When Daniel Sturridge finished a sublime counterattack against Italy, arms raised (roofs).  And then Italy put them down again. So two winners lost and now they face each other. Another loss would be devastating, unless vacationing is the objective.